Write Your Way Real talk + resources for writers

Writing critique is necessary, and not even totally evil!

One of my staunchest positions as a writer and writing coach is that we can’t — and should never try to — create by consensus. But, we also can’t create entirely in a vacuum, because writing is meant to connect. We won’t go from “crappy first draft” all the way to “polished and publishable” all on our own.

Whether we call it constructive criticism, writing critique, or just feedback, it’s essential to being a writer. It makes us grow and stretch within the craft, and helps ensure our work is set up for success with audiences.

There’s also a major danger in NOT figuring out how to take criticism as writers: Quitting.

Every writer gets criticism at some point, whether from peers, readers, or actual critics once the book is published. Writers who can’t take, parse, and improve from criticism won’t write for anyone other than themselves and an audience of yes-people.

But, let's be real, writing critique can be scary and daunting, especially if you're new to receiving it. Not to mention it's hard to know what feedback to take and what to leave, because opinions are like a-holes (almost everyone has one, especially when it comes to art or media).

So, over the course of my next few emails, I want to share my best tips for getting, absorbing, interpreting, and applying constructive criticism to make your book better.

Tip #1: Find the right people or group to ask for feedback on your writing, and do it under the right circumstances.

One of the biggest mistakes I see new writers make is asking the wrong people to read and critique their work. People who, for reasons I’ll dive into, won’t be able to give the most valuable, helpful feedback.

Some of the most frequently relied upon WRONG people, groups, or scenarios for sourcing writing feedback include:

• Family (including partners/spouses) and close friends. Often when writers ask friends and family for writing feedback, the results are either bland and a little useless ("It was good"/"I liked it.") or devastating ("I didn't really like it"/"I thought it was awful"). “It was good” or “I liked it” or “I didn’t really like it” if they’re bold. Those closest to you are biased, and they may not know or enjoy the genre you write. Don’t put them in a position of validating or invalidating your work. And especially don’t risk damaging your relationship over what may turn out to be data you don’t use.
  • Notable exception: A friend or family member who is a fellow writer, or avid reader, with the tools and disposition to be simultaneously supportive and illuminating. For example, Stephen King wrote in On Writing, that his wife Tabitha (also a published author in his genres) is always his “first reader”. Twenty-plus years later, they’re still married and he continues cranking out fan-favorite books, so it’s working for them. They’re probably one of few exceptions.
• Readers who don't read or don't love the kind of things you write. Similarly, you don’t want to give your memoir to someone who thinks Memoir is a self-indulgent, navel-gazing endeavor, and hasn’t read one since they were assigned the Diary of Anne Frank in middle school. That person may feel they know you better after reading your memoir, but they probably can’t give you the information you need to make your memoir better.
• Facebook groups and other random people on social media. I see this so often: A writer posts a short excerpt of their work in a writing group of tens of thousands, then gets hundreds of head-spinning, often contradictory comments from strangers who may or may not know what they’re talking about. The comments section spirals into various arguments that leave the writer’s work all but sidelined in the conversation. Or the grammar and spelling pedants show up with something like “if you’re going to be a writer, you first need to master basic spelling” because the excerpt has a few errors (which spellcheck will easily fix in the next draft). ​
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  ​Social media is not the place to get deep, constructive criticism on your work. It’s an impersonal, frenetic space that exposes you and your writing to whatever anyone wants to throw at you, and often a waste of time when it comes to writing critique.
  • Notable exceptions: Small, well-structured, focused, intentional, and active Facebook groups and other online communities that have critique-giving at their core. These groups are usually private, closely curated, and probably include fewer than 50 people (if that). They’re not noisy, and comments are thoughtful and honest without being discouraging.

So if you shouldn’t ask your friends, partner, or randos on the internet for feedback on your writing, who the heck are you supposed to ask?

The RIGHT people, groups, situations for getting the most out of writing feedback include:

• A reader who loves books in your genre, and reads it so frequently and fervently, that they instinctively know how a good one feels and reads. Someone who is a practicing or previously practicing memoirist, and knows how good memoirs come together. A Thriller connoisseur You can also try to find folks who write and read the specific subgenre (type or subcategory of memoir) you’re writing. Maybe it’s a small critique group of adventure memoirists writing about extreme treks and impossible feats, or a writing partner who’s also written or writing about family substance abuse.
• The right critique group, partner, or reader will be able to draw your attention to what isn’t working, have the language to elaborate if you don’t understand, and ultimately honor your creative control over how to make it work. They’ll tell you the good, bad, and ugly, and maybe make suggestions, but will not try to force their fixes on you. They’ll trust you to solve the problems they see. And they won’t let offense-taking lead to pulling their support if you choose to forgo their points. Anne Lamott said, “Help is the sunny side of control.” Listen to those whose intention is not to exert control over your writing, but to empower and help you make it better on your terms.
• Writers and readers committed to helping you build up your writing, not looking to tear it apart. It’s called “constructive” — as opposed to “destructive” — criticism for a reason, friends. Critiques during the workshop/revision/pre-publication stages of your writing should serve the goal of making your WIP or manuscript better, not destroying it (or your belief in it) by being dismissive, passive-aggressive, deliberately confusing, or holier-than-thou. You’ll get your fill of those folks once your book is published and reviews roll in.
• Writers/readers who get your work, what you’re trying to do with it, or ask instead of assuming. Beyond knowing your genre and its conventions, those giving feedback on your work should understand what you are trying to do. Yes, it’s your job as the writer to be clear, but it’s also their job to ask. If there’s a chasm between what you’re trying to do and what’s actually happening on the page (aka: how it hits the reader), a good critique group or partner will be able to show you the gap, so you can build the necessary bridge.
• A writing mentor, teacher, or coach. A mentor is usually a person who has written, and likely published in your genre, who is further ahead and more experienced at writing than you are, and who is sharing their wisdom with you. Writing teachers know a lot about the craft of writing, and the tools, strategies, and references (aka: books) that help writers and their work go from decent to good and beyond.

Coaches often weave a bit of mentorship and teaching into what they offer, and are primarily focused on bringing forth the best writer in you and the best book out of you. Coaching honors you — the writer behind the work — as much as your work in progress. Coaches guide, support, advise, and champion you using inquiry, generative suggestions, sound boarding, problem-solving and accountability.

Good writing mentors, teachers, and coaches communicate critical information in a way that’s absorbable and actionable for you. They help you do your best work, acknowledge and celebrate your progress, and keep you slowly but surely moving forward. The best ones are not overbearing or overly prescriptive; they never force you to do it their way.

A writing coach might be who you need to get your book past its present hurdles and frustrations. If you're curious, let's talk. ↓

MWBC's March Book + Meeting Details

We're reading and discussing Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Jose Antonio Vargas's Dear America, Notes of an Undocumented Citizen this month. It's a tight book that spans and touches on a lot. It pulses with tension, heartbreak, triumph, complexity.

🗓 We'll meet March 27th, at 7:00pm EDT, over Zoom. Questions are coming soon, so save your spot.

Write your heart out,

Cornelia ✍🏼